Chapter 4       

                                                Tears and Laughter

We are all on this planet together, so what is your Why and why do we laugh and cry?  We all feel the same emotions whether we are happy or sad.  Maybe sometimes situationally?  Because we are humans and we have feelings, in an emotional state or not.  

Most the times we cry because we have said goodbye to a loved one.  A family member or a pet (putting down a dog made me pound the floor and cry like hell). I love you, Elmo; our first dog and I always will.  The veterinarian gave him cat food and an injection and the dog I loved so very much laid on the floor dead.  Wouldn’t it be good if we could do that to humans that suffer? That was the most I have ever cried.  I pounded the floor and asked WHY? I was on the floor bawling my eyes out and my heart hurt, like nothing I could ever describe.  If you are not a pet owner, well than you don’t understand or get it…No worries.

And sometimes we get teary eyed because we laugh.

“You dropped your ice cream; you dropped your ice cream…” If you haven’t watched Eddie Murphy’s ‘Delirious’, I implore you too.  It was the first thing I watched that made me laugh so much I cried through the entire thing, and I cried because I laughed.

Why do both things make us well up in tears? Because we are humans, and we have emotions. Whether it be good or bad.  Your feet dangle as though we are riding a roller coaster with our feet dangling or not. Life is a roller coaster you ride like one that scares you or makes you scream with pleasure.  That is the journey we all are on.   Or maybe it is heartbreak in both instances. It makes you cry because you are scared or because you are exhilarated with excitement. Both make you laugh and can be seen in one in the same.

I want to laugh again I want to get rid of this disease that is slowly making my life worse and will eventually make my life change.  Not only my life but that of my families too. I cry internally; no one knows how I feal, it’s not external, it is hidden.   My bride cries because she sees me detreating. She is my rock, but she needs help, she can not do it all.  Neither can my daughter; a teenager trying to complete her degree at my alma mater at East Carolina University.   She is the future.  I remember the day she left for her freshman year, and I missed that move in because I couldn’t walk.  5-AM, I ran outside, well I didn’t run but I stumbled outside, stood in the middle of our Colonial Avenue road and waved goodbye as I saw the red brake lights.  It crushed me it made me cry yet I was so happy to see her start her new path in life.

I want to get trashed, drink tons of Miler Lite and put it all behind me and feel as this is surreal.             

Tears of heartbreak. I want my laughter back and I want wife’s life back too.  I also have a co-worker whose laugh makes the whole office smile.  I want to be watching a movie that makes me forget about the outside world, whether it be outside or inside.  Remember then old 80’s shows that made you forget about the problems in your life?  ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ & ‘Facts of Life’ a boarding school.  “Facts of Life” a  story from “Peeksill NY” close to where I grew up in Kingston NY,   Itis about ½ an hour in distance.   Granted “Peekskill” is made up for the show, who cares it was close to home.

 

I laughed at those shows.  Did I?  Heck yes.  Did I cry?  No, but it took me out and mad me feel as though I was living in there world. Did I cry because I missed my home or did I laugh because the show was fun to watch?

 

Choose your why and embrace it, regardless of if you laugh or cry.